Ahhhh - TO BE TEN AGAIN.....

[Fenudwin]

Ahhhh - TO BE TEN AGAIN.....

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.

"I'd love to be ten again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow!

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, Pepsi, and M&Ms.

What a fabulous adventure!


Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"


One eye opened................

"You idiot, I meant my dress size!"


The moral of this story: Even when the man is listening, he's still gonna get it wrong.



Xandria sent me this, blame her!! :) Fen

[Buazag Bonesteel]

Don't we get credit for at least trying??

[renshin]

I think men and women are in different communicado channels :p .

Duke Renshin

[Lola]

See, they wouldn't say "I want to be ten", they'd say "I want to be A ten again".

Otherwise, funny story.

[Darsarin]

That reminds me of my wife. Last night while eating dinner I got up to get some more butter for my potato. She had left the cover off the sour cream and the steak sauce. I put the cover back on both and put them back in the fridge.

She asks me a little later to get the heinze 57 out for here, which I did. She says no I want the other stuff. :confused: I say what other stuff. She says the stuff I had out before, Oh you want the A1 sause them. Yea thats what I said......no you said heinze 57. Well you know what I ment. :confused: :confused:

Now how in the hell could any logical being think I sould have known she wanted the A1 when she said heinze 57. :mad:

[BobDole901]

Lol. Lola assumes that woman actually say what they want? /boggle

[Vidmer]

Women expect you to read their minds then attempt to kick your ass when you can't.

[Lola]

No, not at all - but if they WERE to say what they want, as in this case, they wouldn't leave out the "a".

[Tilea]

Originally posted by Vidmer
Women expect you to read their minds then attempt to kick your ass when you can't.

Actually, no. We're just so much more sensitive to the thoughts of others, that it completely frustrates and boggles us that men can, at times, be completely unable to pick up on things that should be obvious.

[Tarissa]

oh puh-lease

[Darsarin]

Originally posted by Tilea
Actually, no. We're just so much more sensitive to the thoughts of others, that it completely frustrates and boggles us that men can, at times, be completely unable to pick up on things that should be obvious.

Obvious in the eyes of women. Our brains are wired alot different than yours. We use logic and common sense while you use... ummm...what is it you use again? :p

[Maegwin]

I'm sensitive in certain spots :eek:

[Maegwin]

Originally posted by Darsarin
Obvious in the eyes of women. Our brains are wired alot different than yours. We use logic and common sense while you use... ummm...what is it you use again? :p

They use US :p

[Darsarin]

Originally posted by Maegwin
They use US :p


So true..it's sad sometimes that they have that power over us. :(

[Andriana Duskrose]

Originally posted by Tilea
Actually, no. We're just so much more sensitive to the thoughts of others, that it completely frustrates and boggles us that men can, at times, be completely unable to pick up on things that should be obvious.

Oh we pick up on it just fine, the problem is that women don't want to hear the obvious, despite claiming otherwise.

[Vidmer]

Actually, no. We're just so much more sensitive to the thoughts of others, that it completely frustrates and boggles us that men can, at times, be completely unable to pick up on things that should be obvious.

See here is the disconnect. If you know we don't get it; why don't you change your method of communication? We men on the other hand have realized that logic and common sense evade women so we tend to not use such things around you.

[Gheltire]

I prefer to be shown flash cards

[Tilea]

Originally posted by Vidmer
See here is the disconnect. If you know we don't get it; why don't you change your method of communication? We men on the other hand have realized that logic and common sense evade women so we tend to not use such things around you.

Spoken like the average single male.

[Darsarin]

LOL :D

[Darsarin]

It's all a moot point now..We males are doomed! :eek:


By his estimate, the male will go belly-up in about 125,000 years.

Click me (http://www.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,4057,6987400%255E13762,00.html)

[Peotr]

I know there is a creator.

Men and women are different. These differences are much deeper than the obvious physical ones. The differences come in many forms, some profound, some not so profound, and many are perplexing.

If the purpose of life is to procreate, then those differences are prohibitive or even detrimental. On the other hand, if the purpose of life is more introspective, those differences are genius.

-- Peotr (The Normal Guy) ©™

P.S. And fun, too!

P.P.S. Reader's Digest version: Get your game on. Men are pigs, but God gave all the hooters to women. If you think the rules are unfair, remember - God gave us florists.

[Xandria]

Laws Women Live By

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3. If we put a man on the moon, we should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander; it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well; they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same; they just have different faces so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men; most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something: suggest he's too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered in the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember: a sense of humor does not mean you tell him jokes; it means you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

:p Xandria

[Tilea]

i've never seen that list before, very good! :D

[Darsarin]

Ladies vs. Real Women

Ladies - If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."

Real Women - If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

Ladies - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Real Women - Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?

Ladies - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Real Women - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

Ladies - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Real Women - Buy boxed mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Ladies - When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the inside of the cake.

Real Women - Go to the bakery - they'll even decorate it for you.

Ladies - Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

Real Women - Sara Lee frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I just don't do it.

Ladies - If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Real Women - Go ask the very cute neighbor guy to do it.

And finally the most important tip!.....

Ladies - Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Real Women - Leftover wine??

[Darsarin]

What I Want in a Man, Original List

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7.. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet

[Xandria]

hehehe i am in the 42+ list there and it is all true!!!!
Xandria:rolleyes:

[Xandria]

Haikky was sad :confused: that i thought all those things about men in the Laws for Women so i told him i would post something for him!!! here is the list of Guys Rules!!! :D

~GUY'S RULES~

We always hear "the rules" from the feminine side. Ok - well now hear the guys' side? These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

THE GUYS RULES
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it! We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We Have no idea what mauve is.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.

[Lola]

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

This is my favorite one.

[Myztlee]

Originally posted by Xandria
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

Those were my 2 favourites, though "ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings." did make me laugh as well.

[Darsarin]

30 things you'll never hear a woman say

1. You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.

2. The new girl in my office is a real beauty, and a stripper too, I invited her over for dinner on Friday.

3. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.

4. Bar food again! Kick a--.

5. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.

6. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.

7. Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.

8. I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want'em?

9. It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.

10. Honey, come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie's bare a--.

11. My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.

12. I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.

13. Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and beer.

14. You are so much smarter than my father.

15. If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch football.

16. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?

17. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.

18. You're so sexy when you're hung over.

19. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.

20. Let's subscribe to Hustler.

21. I'll be out painting the house.

22. I love it when you ride your Harley, I just wish you had more time to ride.

23. Honey, our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!

24. No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.

25. Your mother is way better than mine.

26. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself something.

27. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire.

28. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.

29. Look! My a-- is fatter than yours!

30. Let's get rid of my friends and keep all of yours.

[Lilcix]

Originally posted by Darsarin
23. Honey, our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!


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