A day in the life of a port biznatch.

[Quintissimo]

Just wanted to share this with y'all directly. This happened last night on the Seventh Hammer. :)

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[From the Kabald (www.kabald.org) Public Message Board:]

A lot of people mock druids, and honestly for good reason -- there are a lot of boobs out there who play them. Regardless, playing a druid can be quite tiresome... and sometimes downright frustrating. Druids have some amazing buffs AND have one of the most desired abilities in the game along with wizards -- rapid transportation. As a result, many people seek out druids for all their buffing and transportation needs. More often than naught, the person asking for such services is kind, thoughtful, and, well... they have their clue phones turned on.

Allow me to take this time to share with you all an example of someone who doesn't fit into any of these categories. ;) I present to you, "Canelar and the Port Request".

The setting: Me and some guildies are grinding faction (me) and XP (them) in Skyshrine. I'm pulling, and the grind is going at a fair clip. Then... the tell is received.

http://www.xmission.com/~cain/pictures/quint/Port%20Request.jpg

Poor, poor Canelar. Aw, to hell with that. POOR ME. LOL, such tells unfortunately are not all that uncommon nowadays. However, I did treat him a little brusquely. I feel bad... and then it dawns on me -- I can help him AND not leave the group!

http://www.xmission.com/~cain/pictures/quint/Port%20Request%202.jpg

Huzzah! A good deed is done. The net result? See for yourself.

http://www.xmission.com/~cain/pictures/quint/Port%20Request%203.jpg

I wonder if that young wizard ever did get to the promised land of "Mysty".

[Serene]

Come port mah, Graccus !!!!!

[Zeol]

gotta love the n00bs

[Zeol]

hmm am i still a virgin?

[Lronius de la Mancha]

Vile vile man
that was quite evil
yet entertaining!

[Quintissimo]

I miss muh Serene.

[Graystone]

You're mission should all of us accept it is to log on the seventh hammer and ask Quinty for ports! =)

Quinty takes up his best NPC looking stance:

I am Quintissmo The Frontier Druid. Ask me for a [Port].

[Inizen]

I don't think I've been unanon/roleplay for a long time. I think the best tell was one while in Veeshan's peak, the guy just wouldn't accept "I can't even gate out to help you"...did any of you guys act like this as newbies? These are the same people that complain of classes being unbalanced and having "no new content" at level 20.

I think an IQ test should be a requirement to buy/own/use a computer of any kind

[Lronius de la Mancha]

/agree inizen

[Slaznash]

Thats the problem with EQ. You have to interact with complete idiots who you wouldn't step within 100 yards of IRL.

Slaz

[Quintissimo]

You are sooooo on the money.

I personally decided a little while back not to take the route of being anonymous/roleplay. It's muh choice, and therefore I accept the pain and suffering from the n00b brigade who do a "/w all druid 60" so they can get their twink buffs and ports to hell and back. I'm sure the tell volume would decrease tenfold, but dammit, I'm proud of the fact that I got 60 (and hanve no life~!@#$) -- n00bs be damned.

Still -- I wish there was a way to disable /tells.

[Nuuk]

Thats a typical tell I get 5 times a night.

My favorite is, can you pick me up in Qeynos and port me to Misty Thicket. I get this all the time... Especially when I'm in a big dragon raid. I tell them you cant port to qeynos. Then they tell me, can I please run to qeynos and pick them up. Then I tell them Wizards cant port to Misty Thicket. Then they ask me if I can run them there instead. People just have no idea...

When I say im busy, I get the "Please" tell over and over.

/ignore "nooB"

[Graystone]

Quinty:

I hope you got as much of a chuckle as I did when I made that iskar monk named 'portmah'. I still laugh at that. I'll stop in on the hammer from time to time to say hello.

I hope many of us that were scattered over different servers can reunite!

[randomdruzzilplayer]

I found this post to be kinda related to this topic and its pretty funny so i am going to repost it here

Taken from eqnecro:




Mujahid
Decaying Skeleton



17 Posts Posted - 06/26/2001 : 10:48:05
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So there I was.....minding my own business in The Overthere, when all of a sudden I see the message: "d00d sow plz".

Of course, my natural instinct was not to answer, since I thought the clueless newb (hereafter referred to politely as "the petitioner") must have been poorly informed at best.

Boy was I ever wrong.

I switch out of 1st person into an external camera, and what did my wandering eyes behold? Only myself and the petitioner.

So I says to myself...."Self? You need to edumacate this fella!"

(Keep in mind what the overall setting looked like: There I was, in skeleton form, carrying a scythe, FLOATING IN MIDAIR IN A MEDITATING POSITION, with a LARGE dark-brown skeleton named "Gibober" standing behind me. Ummm....No, skippy, I'm not a druid or a shaman.)

I say "Wish I could, bro, but I don't have SoW. I'm a Necromancer."

The Petitioner says, "$#*&@#$ dick, sow me already! it's for a cr"

Feeling as if my feathers had been ruffled a bit, I do a "/who all dumbass" (um..pardon..I meant "/who all petitioner")

This is where I discovered the "/who all" bug. Certainly it must have been a bug, right? There's NO WAY IN CREATION the dumbas...err...petitioner could have been a level 31 Dark Elf Wizard, right???? RIGHT????? /em begins to cry like a little girl.

Well, needless to say, I couldn't have been any more shocked than if my pet began dancing an Irish Jig. I quickly begin the arduous task of maintaining my composure, while deciding how best to deal with this tricky situation.

I say, "Necromancer's can't cast SoW".

Petitioner says, "Bull@#$%! you cast a spell while you were running and you sped up! i couldn't catch you until you sat down! if you're not going to sow me just say so you dont have to be a dick about it a$$hole"

Yes I know....he didn't use any punctuation in that last sentence.

I say, "I have JBoots."

He says, "what are they"

Before I have a chance to pick my chin up off the floor....

Petitioner asks, "can you buff my hps my hp sux"

I say, "I can't buff you, dude. I'm a necromancer. I only have one buff that you would probably want."

He says, "yeah the one you won't give me dick"

Ok. Time to have fun with the hopelessly clueless.

I say, "Why do you need a sow?"

He says, "i need to get to burned woods to hunt. sumbody said its perfect for my level"

Yep. That's what he said......"burned woods".

I say, "man are you ever in the wrong place."

He says, "?"

Apparently he found the "question mark" key conveniently located nearby other various and sundry communication facilitators.

I didn't answer him.

He repeats, "??"

Found it twice...good for him.

He repeats, "???"

Having an IQ greater than plantlife, I sensed a pattern forming.

I say, "You are NO WHERE near Burned Woods."

He says, "my friend told me it was in kunark"

I say, "Yeah, the operative word there is 'WAS'. There was a major patch a couple of months ago after a bunch of complaints were filed about 'static content'."

He says, "?"

I say, "!"

He says, "?"

I say, ","

He says, "wtf"

I say, "no, already have some."

He says, "????"

I don't respond.

He says, "so where the @#$% is burned woods"

He lost the question mark button again. Probably popped off when he was sniffing his feet.

I say, "Well, THIS week it's south of Freeport. It changes with every patch, since they began randomizing zone locations."

My guild is hysterical at this point. And I haven't even told them the ENTIRE story yet. Just snippets.

He says, "@#$% i just got off the boat"

I say, "You don't need the boat."

He says "why"

I say, "You're a wizard!"

He says, "how you know that"

I say, "I did a /wh...nevermind....the important thing is you have teleportation spells."

He says, "oh yeah the green ones"

I nod.

I say, "Yep. The 'green ones'. Pretty nice how you have them grouped by color."

He says, "thx"

I say, "How'd you think about doing it that way?"

He says, "they were all @#$%## up when i got this char"

I say, "Sit down and mem the spell 'Fay Gate'."

He says, "why"

Question mark key is on the ground in front of your chair, guy. Mixed in with your collection of boogers.

I say, "It's going to put you within spitting distance of Burned Woods."

He says, "how do you know"

I say, "All patch messages come with a zone connection map."

He says, "oh"

I say, "Ok. You have it memmed now?"

He had just stood up after what I assumed was meditating/looking at his spell book.

He says, "yeah"

I say, "Ok. Cast the spell and let me know when you get there."

Dumba...errr....Petitioner begins to cast a spell.

A LONG time goes by.....ok, maybe 5 minutes
I still haven't heard from him.

Getting curious:

I tell petitioner, "Are you there yet?"

No reply. No reply at all. [Yes, I'm a Genesis fan... ]

Obviously he's there, or my tell wouldn't have gone through.

I tell petitioner, "Hit the 'r' key to reply to me."

He replies, "i'm here now where do i go."

Right idea....wrong punctuation mark. Oh well. "C" for effort.

I tell petitioner, "Ok, do you see a hotkey on the screen that says 'Sense Heading'?"

He replies, "no"

I reply, "Hit the arrow buttons one by one until you see one."

It was a guess, but an educated one.

He replies, "found it"

I reply, "Click on it."

He replies, "north"

I reply, "Ok, you need to head east along the path. Keep going until the path turns north. When it forks to the right, take the right fork."

He replies, "ok"

Who knows, maybe the guy who sold his account on Ebay worked his Felwithe faction up.

He replies, "sumbody told me i shouldnt be here cause i'm a dark elf"

I reply, "They were roleplaying."

He replies, "oh hehe @#$%@#$ morons ;P"

Priceless. Utterly priceless, I tell you.

I reply, "Where are you?"

He replies, "i see something now. looks like a castle"

I reply, "Run into the castle as fast as you can. The guards might give you some trouble, just keep running."

Yeah...damned conscience started kicking in.

A fairly long period of time passes. Not sure how long, but longer than I was expecting.

I tell petitioner, "What happened?"

As if I didn't know....

He replies, "my spells are gone!"

I reply, "What happened?"

He replies, "i died why"

I reply, "Oh man! Did I tell you to run east or west?"

He replies, "east wtf???"

I reply, "Yikes. My bad. You should have run west."

He replies, "?"

I reply, "So where are you now?"

He replies, "how can i tell"

I reply, "Look right after you see 'Loading please wait'. It should tell you 'You have entered [zone]'."

He replies "it doesnt say [zone] there."

After smacking my head against my monitor....

I reply, "What does it say in place of [zone]?".

Get this....

He replies, "Burning Woods"

I nearly fell out of my chair! I couldn't have PLANNED it that way!

He replies, "is that the same as burned woods"

I reply, "No, but you're close. Start running south so you can get your corpse back."

He replies, "i have to get my corpse back?????"

/ignore petitioner


Moral of the story: EBay...Just Say No!

Out of sheer curiosity, I took him off ignore later to find out what happened.

I tell petitioner, "How's it going?"

He replies, "wtf? where you been"

I reply, "been afk, sorry."

He replies, "got my corpse back. some dude rezzed me."

My conscience somewhat eased...

I reply, "Really? Cool! Where are you now?"

He replies, "iceclad ocean"

I scratch my head a few times.

I reply, "Why Velious?"

He replies, "the guy that rezzed me told me burned woods was in western wastes this week"

I don't recall exactly how long it took me to stop laughing. I stopped breathing shortly before my dog dialed 911.

He replied, "@#$%&* wouldnt sow me either. what is that sh#$ gold?"

That's what finally killed me. I'm writing this from the afterlife.








Mujahid Mukhtaar
Questmaster of the Enchanted Circle

[Zvar da ub4r dr00d]

hahah, thats priceless
/wipes a tear from his eye.
-Z

[Ubar]

ROFL, priceless

[Quintissimo]

ROFLMAO