Thuggo
09-29-2004, 03:18 PM
Students fined for involvement with monkey knife fight
By Hymie Green
Published: Tuesday, April 1, 2003
Sorry, guys. It's only legal in international waters, according to prime-time mainstay "The Simpsons." It is NOT legal in the state of Missouri to instigate monkey knife fights, as local college students Terry James, 21, and Preston Cambridge, 20, found out the hard way. The boys are currently jailed without bond on charges of animal theft, mistreatment of animals, illegal gambling, illegal use of weapons, endangerment of others and public urination.
The students hatched their plan to "get rich quick" after an afternoon rerun of "The Simpsons," the longest running animated show on television, was aired on a local cable channel. They decided that by providing fellow students with entertainment that one could find nowhere else, they could charge incredible amounts of money to let those seeking the thrill of lifetime into their basement. There, they could witness two hungry and annoyed howler monkeys pitted against each other with a knife in their right hands. As the young men could not afford the desired hunting knives, the monkeys were given Swiss Army knives that the boys found in their roommates' dresser drawers. Finally, the audience members would be allowed to bet on the winning monkey, while James and Cambridge would act as "bookies."
"I'm sorry, but there is nothing funnier or more exciting than a monkey knife fight," stated James. "Had I any idea that it was illegal, I would have put a stop to everything. I just couldn't fathom that an activity that provides so much to so many could be wrong. I still won't. Believe me, the Young Republicans will be taking this all the way to the top."
James and Cambridge thought of almost everything, but in the end it was the very people on whom they wished to bestow joy and elation that brought the young entrepreneurs to their untimely demise. After agreeing to charge the exorbitant amount of $6.75 to enter their basement, they gleefully stuffed their backpacks full of the cash before it was pointed out that one can take in a hit movie at the local four-plex for the exact same amount. Deciding that monkey knife-fights were not worth it, the disgruntled audience got their revenge by notifying authorities.
Ok so this is setting off my bullshit alarm as I post it but it's hilarious.
By Hymie Green
Published: Tuesday, April 1, 2003
Sorry, guys. It's only legal in international waters, according to prime-time mainstay "The Simpsons." It is NOT legal in the state of Missouri to instigate monkey knife fights, as local college students Terry James, 21, and Preston Cambridge, 20, found out the hard way. The boys are currently jailed without bond on charges of animal theft, mistreatment of animals, illegal gambling, illegal use of weapons, endangerment of others and public urination.
The students hatched their plan to "get rich quick" after an afternoon rerun of "The Simpsons," the longest running animated show on television, was aired on a local cable channel. They decided that by providing fellow students with entertainment that one could find nowhere else, they could charge incredible amounts of money to let those seeking the thrill of lifetime into their basement. There, they could witness two hungry and annoyed howler monkeys pitted against each other with a knife in their right hands. As the young men could not afford the desired hunting knives, the monkeys were given Swiss Army knives that the boys found in their roommates' dresser drawers. Finally, the audience members would be allowed to bet on the winning monkey, while James and Cambridge would act as "bookies."
"I'm sorry, but there is nothing funnier or more exciting than a monkey knife fight," stated James. "Had I any idea that it was illegal, I would have put a stop to everything. I just couldn't fathom that an activity that provides so much to so many could be wrong. I still won't. Believe me, the Young Republicans will be taking this all the way to the top."
James and Cambridge thought of almost everything, but in the end it was the very people on whom they wished to bestow joy and elation that brought the young entrepreneurs to their untimely demise. After agreeing to charge the exorbitant amount of $6.75 to enter their basement, they gleefully stuffed their backpacks full of the cash before it was pointed out that one can take in a hit movie at the local four-plex for the exact same amount. Deciding that monkey knife-fights were not worth it, the disgruntled audience got their revenge by notifying authorities.
Ok so this is setting off my bullshit alarm as I post it but it's hilarious.