Just checking out this board (No Powerleveling Postcount here, NO SIR!)

[Peotr]

I just thought I'd come to this board and, well, see if it was still working. I have lots to talk about.

-- Peotr

[Peotr]

Seems to be working.

-- Peotr

[Peotr]

BTW, this is NOT a powerlevel-post thread. NO WAY! That is childish and immature, and I neither tolerate nor condone such actions!

-- Peotr

[Peotr]

I just needed to see if this section of the boards was ... working properly. Before posting IMPORTANT THINGS here.

Yes.

So far, all seems good. May need more testing though.

-- Peotr

[Peotr]

Since I am a professional Systems Analyst I will take a professinoal approach to testing this board, in order to assure suitability for important posting that I will do.

So ....

Important testing to follow!

P.S. Note - qualitative testing should not be mistaken for powerleveling your postcount, which is childish and something I will not be party to.

[Peotr]

Of course, before any testing can begin, a person must have a "Goals and Procedures" document to verify that the testing does, indeed, meet the criteria for proper story-telling postage, as opposed to simple postcount powerleveling, which, of course, could be done in any old whore-board.

FOCUS! REMAIN FOCUSED! The goal is to create a series of tests that demonstrate that this board has the proper attributes for ingenious storytelling...

[Peotr]

So ...

Lets see... Document of Goals and Procedures...

[Peotr]

I hate this part of a project....

Whenever we do this portion of a project at work I try to populate the first meetings with those anal-retentive people who know less than shit about computers, servers, and networks, but who make more money than me and have rooms full of IBM, Sun and Oracle manuals.

Then I make my friends schedule another quicky meeting at the same time, one that sounds important but is, in reality, just a bunch of us dudes getting together to drink latte's and play Freecell on our department-issued laptops while dodging work.

I inform the first meeting that I must attend the second meeting, but that I will try to arrive late; eventually, the one- or two- intelligent people that attended the first meeting will get sick of all the anal-retentive leisure-suits talking about everything that might be wrong with installing an mechanical pencil sharpener in the server room and they will request that projects be assigned for the 'next' meeting, to include the very important "Goals and Procedures" document, which one of those anal-retentive fucks will volunteer to do because they think they will be noticed for doing some genuine, important work instead of sitting in their chairs gathering dust until somebody zips a rubber-bag over their body and drives them away in the black station wagon.

Which is really all I was after, a chance to have a latte while the useless fucks decide who is going to do the anal portions of the project.

-- Peotr

P.S. Unfortunately, I am alone on this project.

[Peotr]

Unless, of course, that bastard Vinen comes and rats me out again!

THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME! IT IS ABOUT THE SAFETY AND PROPER OPERATIONS OF THESE BOARDS! I DO THIS AS A SERVICE!


I care not about shiny stars or women! NOT ME! I am patient and humble; I know that I will eventually get attention from beautiful women and Corvettes and a large penis when those things are due to me.

Until then, I will work on this important work.

[Peotr]

In the previous post I alluded that I did not care about women. That is not true.

I care deeply about women. Please do not misconstrue my words, even though you aren't actually reading this thread, which is, in fact, about important board testing in preperation for important work.

I care about women. I love women. I someday hope to have a long-term, meaningful relationship with a woman. I hope that we will be good friends, caring unto each other, cherish each others company, and fuck like a hutch full of first-year rabbits.

[Peotr]

*Ahem*

In the previous post (where I was discussing the previous-previous-post), I alluded that I someday hope to have a relationship with a woman. That is misleading, as it might make one think that I have never had a relationship with a woman. That is not true.

I have been in loving, caring relationships with many women, some on a personal and tender level, others on a more abstract level, and a few brief but beautiful relationships where I mostly watched from trees.

But enough about me - there is no shame in saying that I am currently between relationships. I have recently severed ties with a wonderful woman who was warm, funny, a great conversationalist, a ... uhh... great cook ... cellist (true) ... clean bathroom ...


*sniff*

[Peotr]

Ok, so maybe the problem was that, even though she was a musician, she didn't enjoy playing the old man-maracas as much as I would like.

WE LIVED 300 MILES APART! I was lucky to visit one weekend a month, and I'm SORRY, but when I have to wait 30 FUCKING DAYS to see my BELOVED you will forgive me if SEX happens to be ON MY FUCKING MIND!

"Everytime you come to visit me, I feel like the first thing on your mind is sex... "

YES! YES! FOR 29 DAYS I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THE LAST TIME WE HAD SEX! 28 FUCKING DAYS! I'M SORRY! IT'S A BIT AT THE FRONT OF MY CONSCIENCE! LETS GET THE SEX OUT OF THE WAY, AND MAYBE WE CAN GO DO SOME OTHER THINGS, TOO!

MR. HAPPY WOULD LIKE A KISS TOO, DAMMIT!

I'm sorry if I'm being obvious, but these aren't loose-fitting 501s, and the ol' fella has a habit of pitching a tent every time we talk on the phone. DON'T BE SURPRISED IF HE'S YEARNING, IT'S A COMPLIMENT!

"Why don't you try coming over some time with the idea that the first thing we'll do is spend some time enjoying each other, and maybe not even have sex?"

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE ASKING? Maybe, MAYBE, if I had access to some serious qualudes and those drugs they give sex offenders, MAYBE I could possibly pull that off, but you make it FUCKING DIFFICULT when you don't want me sleeping on the couch, no, you want to FEEL ME SLEEPING IN BED WITH YOU, and you reserve the right to GET NAKED WHILE WE'RE SLEEPING, fuck, I suppose you work for NASA and were thinking that maybe Mr. Happy could be dissected and turned into O-rings for the solid-rocket boosters because it would SURE BE A LOT EASIER than trying to hold back from sex because next time I have a flat tire all I'd need to do is PUT MY DICK UNDER THE WHEEL WELL AND THEN TALK WITH YOU ON THE PHONE and good old Captain Erector would probably roll the fucking car right into the ditch.

...

......

Not that I'm bitter, or anything...

[Peotr]

Fucking don't want to have sex because it feels like the only reason you are here is because you want to have sex I am fucking sorry try to think of it as part of a normal loving relationship, or as a compliment to your beauty, or as a tender, shared moment, or maybe as a HIGHWAY SAFETY issue because there are HUNDREDS OF LIVES AT RISK when I am trying to JACKOFF IN THE DARK WHILE DRIVING HOME ON THE INTERSTATE NO IT'S NOT ONLY ABOUT SEX BUT CAN WE AT LEAST AGREE THAT IT IS A LITTLE BIT ABOUT SEX....

[Peotr]

.....

*sigh*


She's lovely. She's goofy. She talks too much, waaaay, way too much, but for some reason I find it soothing, to listen to her talk, on and on and on yadda yadda yadda and yet I feel so relaxed, like I am being massaged, or held, or someone is combing my hair.

She likes to sleep naked.

She likes to shower together, she insists on it.

She likes it when I leave the shower first, dry myself, and then sit on the toilet and dry her. She likes to massage, she likes to be massaged.

She smells good, she likes dressing in front of me, when we're in the mall she sneaks me back to the change room and makes me watch her while she tries on different outfits.

BUT

She doesn't like sex when it's apparent that I'm desperate for sex.

I do understand. I do try. I do. But I fail, and eventually it becomes too much too much too much, sorry, I can't do it anymore.

[Peotr]

Which is, of course, why God gave nerds computers.

And Pr0n.

[Peotr]

Which, of course, reminds me of one of those moments that I'm very proud of. We're having a meeting with some people from the Vice President for Financial Affairs office', and also some people from our external auditors, Deloitte and Touche (bad name, really bad name, every time I hear that name my brain fucks it into "Toilet and Douche", and I know that some day I'm gonna fucking say that accidentally).

Anyway, it's a few minutes before the meeting starts, and although most everyone is there we're chit-chatting while waiting for a straggler, and one woman who works at the Foundation office is talking about this fertility clinic she visited. And she's talking about seeing this group of guys come in, but they aren't with women, and they get blood drawn, and then they fill out some paperwork, and they generally wander around in a group, and eventually she HAD to ask a nurse what they were doing, and the nurse said, "They're paid to donate samples."

And so the women in this meeting are tittering about this, because it's ok for women to joke about this, really, just not us slobbish, piggish men, and she was questioning the nurse and the nurse comes back with this tidbit that some men of certain profiles are paid as much as $500.00 for jerking off in a bottle....

At which point my partner, Chuck, said, "Really???" (Chuck - the Fiber Guy).

And the women laughed, and said, "Yes, really!"

And at that moment ... I couldn't help myself .. It just rolled out of my mouth, I don't know what I was thinking, I just blurted out, "Shit, my ceiling must be worth MILLIONS!"

[Peotr]

And that afternoon I had to have a talk with my boss's boss.

....

They can't fire me, I'm handicapped.

[Peotr]

And everytime they tried to act serious about it, I'd tell them about Chuck blowing this latte out his nose and all over the laptop of the guy from Deloitte and Touche.

"No, no, really, I feel terrible. And it wasn't funny, it was an awful, and inexcusable comment to make, and I hope that auditor can get that stuff out of his keyboard, because that wasn't a plain latte, no, that was a TURTLE, one of those super-sticky latte's where they add carmel and marshmallow and chocolate flavoring, and it came STEAMING out of Chuck's fucking NOSE, fuck, I thought Chuck was having a brain hemorage. So that keyboard is bound to be boogered up, forgive the pun, I swear this won't happen again."

[Peotr]

Well... I need to get back on track here...

GOALS AND PROCEDURES!

Yes!


....


......


......

[Peotr]

boring!

[Peotr]

Well...

It is early. Perhaps it would be best to sleep on this, and work on GOALS AND PROCEDURES in the morning.


While I'm at work!


"Tony, what are you working on?"

"Goals and Procedures document for a project. Want to help?"

"Eh? No, no, continue on."

[Peotr]

PAGE 2 !!!!

SO PWNED AGAIN! HAHAHAHA!!


I r0xx0r Ur n3wb @$$

[Peotr]

Well... When I say "Pwned again" I am not talking about that OTHER thread, where my brother was illegally posting on these venerable boards and powerleveling his postcount, no, I'm talking about the time I pwned page 2 on the Druzzil Ro boards, not these boards, no way, I wouldn't care about pwning amongst friends, and anyway this thread is only about important work that I am doing to get this area tested in preperation for important storytelling that I am sure to start at some point in the future and it is NOT about powerleveling my postcount NOT AT ALL, my threads don't shwing that way, HOMO!

[Peotr]

Must sleep... Work in 3 hours.

[Peotr]

Vile work!

I really HATE days when there is plenty of work to do.

And MEETINGS! I remember my first meeting at work, I was so fucking excited, it was like being paid to do nothing! OH GOD FOR THOSE INNOCENT YEARS!

"Communication is the key to good work relations. Communication improves the bonds between an employee and his team, his manager, and his customers."

Well FUCK ME, we probably couldn't be happier unless we were shooting heroin. Thats what I'm gonna do - I'm gonna schedule another worthless fucking meeting, and in the description / agenda field I'm gonna put "SHOOT HEROIN".

And then I'm gonna post another meeting, and I'm gonna give it a description of "SCHEDULING SOFTWARE ANALYSIS" and a 'meeting overview' of "Find dev team for MEETINGMAKER and kick them in the sauce".

-- Peotr

[Zappo]

looks like no one comes here
this room for rent?

[Crimsonbanshee]

ebil zappo ruined the long number of peotr the normal guys post HOW DARE HE!!! er umm

[Lexoon]

wow, some of peotr's best work yet! bravo mate~

[Vinilaa]

haha I didn't even realize this forum was still around :eek:

[Crimsonbanshee]

yay for resurrecting old forums !

[Lonskils]

This is why I love peotr so very much. I miss you big guy!

[Crimsonbanshee]

I miss the goat comments the most PLease come back peotr come back =-p



CB

[travoid]

weird, i grew up in moscow Id... whats peotrs real name?

[Gwaar]

whats peotrs real name?

Hairy Palms, apparently.

[Kirynos]

Very enjoyable read.

:confuse:

[Aindayen]

Peotr I would sheep every dwarf I saw, just for you to abuse sir :D

Ain

[BobDole901]

Peotr I would sheep every dwarf I saw, just for you to abuse sir :D

Ain

You liar, you know you'd sheep yourself.

[Aindayen]

Only for you Haik, only for you :)

Ain

[Crimsonbanshee]

Haikken stole my epic

[Vinilaa]

Which is really all I was after, a chance to have a latte while the useless fucks decide who is going to do the anal portions of the project.


You didn't want to do the anal portion of the project? What happened, no goats were involved? :eek:

For those of you thinking? :confused:

I just have to say that I :love: Peotr :kiss2:

[Vinilaa]

or maybe as a HIGHWAY SAFETY issue because there are HUNDREDS OF LIVES AT RISK

LIVES R @ STEAK!!!!!

[Maegwin]

Peotr you had me laughing out loud a few times during the first two pages, hurrah for Peotr and his stereotypical officemate IT workers who are so much like mine.

[Vinen]

Peotr you had me laughing out loud a few times during the first two pages, hurrah for Peotr and his stereotypical officemate IT workers who are so much like mine.
Best part is how old this thread is.

[Vinilaa]

Best part is how old this thread is.

Yeah but the piece is timeless I tell you, timeless!! :D

[Andriana Duskrose]

Yeah but the piece is timeless I tell you, timeless!! :D

Much like your intelligence, and beauty! :eek: *Blush*

[Vinilaa]

Much like your intelligence, and beauty! :eek: *Blush*

Aw so sweet!!!! *blush*

/tacklehug!

:kiss2: :rainbow: :kiss2:

[Andriana Duskrose]

Aw so sweet!!!! *blush*

/tacklehug!

:kiss2: :rainbow: :kiss2:

Yeah, I know, the manslut persona is just a farce. Truly, I am sweet and kind and adorable! :D

[Vinilaa]

Yeah, I know, the manslut persona is just a farce. Truly, I am sweet and kind and adorable! :D

I'm not sure I'd make that particular leap of logic... :o