I came to the realization..

[Phaera]

Randomly reading some posts from eons ago on the forums, we were nuts! Some of us needed therapy after the issues between EQ and WOW and all the bullshit intertwined in running/managing/maintaining this guild! But it is cool to see some of the challenges that were overcome to hold this bad boy together for so long. At the same time though, we were crazy!

Good times.

[Peotr]

At the same time though, we were crazy!

It's true. You were all quite crazy.

I was normal, though.


-- Peotr (The Normal GuyTM)


P.S. I fuck goats.

P.P.S. There is no "I" in "TEAM". But there is "MEAT".

P.P.P.S. We were the first internet generation that knew and befriended a bunch of people we had never spoken with. Or met.

[Stosh]

I moved to Idaho just for Peotr, and he hasn't visited me once.

[Phaera]

It's true. You were all quite crazy.

I was normal, though.


-- Peotr (The Normal GuyTM)


P.S. I fuck goats.

P.P.S. There is no "I" in "TEAM". But there is "MEAT".

P.P.P.S. We were the first internet generation that knew and befriended a bunch of people we had never spoken with. Or met.

Only in Peotr's world!

[Phaera]

I moved to Idaho just for Peotr, and he hasn't visited me once.

I think he only visits in the dream world! I miss you guys!

[Peotr]

I moved to Idaho just for Peotr, and he hasn't visited me once.

Oh Stosh... If you believe in me, then know that I visit you every day. This might be hard for you to understand, but I'm a true Idaho citizen, born and raised in the hills and valleys of this great state, and our essence of natural-born-Idahoanness permeates the very air, the very earth, and the very waters of our state. Every day you live in Idaho, every Idaho dawn you see, every purple-mountained highway you drive, you're on a highway through me. Every time you see an eagle, every time you watch a wood stork swallow a fish whole, every time you hit a deer, you're hitting on me.

Pull over at the next roadside concrete open-pit rest stop and step out of your car. Take a moment to admire the verdant hills. Listen to the stridulation of the katydids (look it up.) Now go into the 'restroom' and try to hold your breath while taking a piss. Take a moment to read those words of kinship that others have left on the walls - that's Idaho talking to you. Back in California, your old state has tried to paint over these words, but not here, not in Idaho. This is the Idaho you love, and when you read these words you're loving me. Breath me in.

Sadly, meeting a true Idahoan can be a little intense for an unprepared Californian (culture shock is the number-three cause of death for Californians in Idaho. I think. Don't quote me on that, it could be that Idahoans are the number-three cause of death for Californians in Idaho, I'm not sure.) If we met, it would have to be someplace very normal. Like me. The kind of place with emergency services nearby. Someplace safe, someplace that is neutral. Maybe a place like a Walmart parking lot. That way, if you noticed your vision collapsing or your breathing getting difficult from the essence of pure Idahomeyality, you could be whisked inside and seated at a table in the Walmart Subway, and you could enjoy a chicken & bacon ranch while watching fat, tattooed women bark at their kids.


-- Peotr (The Normal GuyTM. Of Idaho, by Idaho)

P.S. And then we could go hunting! First you'd need a hunting rifle, though. In Idaho there are only four kinds of hunting rifles: Unscoped rifles that cost less than $500.00, boutique rifles that cost more than $2400.00, the odd long-barreled AR-15 chambered in 6.8 SPC, or the nasty piece of shit 'family rifle' your dad found in your great-grandfather's closet (you know, the rifle that always shoots 4" to the left. The rifle that all of your poorer cousins borrow. The kind of rifle that would be considered unsafe in any other part of the country.)

All other rifles are frowned upon. They might be practical. They might be reasonable. But practicality and reasonableness are forms of mediocrity, and in our state hunting is much too sacerdotal (look it up) for an ordained Idahoan. Save the $1200.00 you would have spent on that Creedmoor Sako for something else, maybe a duck hunting shotgun.

You'll also need a tactical orange vest (and matching tactical orange hat), some snacks and a gallon of water, and then we could journey forth. Tactical orange is important in Idaho because we don't hunt from 'deer stands'. In the northwest we like to yomp when we hunt. We really like to hike the ground while hunting, and it is common to cover many miles in a day. In Idaho, if you see a man (or woman) who is deep in their 80's and turning in a tagged deer, be polite: They are probably fit enough to kick your ass (I personally know two guys in their early 80's who carried a dressed deer 7 miles out of a valley, and that was after winging the deer and chasing it for 3 miles into the valley. Their wives had a shitfit because they didn't make it home until 6:00AM the next day.) Any time you're walking the fields it's possible to meet other hunters, and in Idaho we'll happily sell a hunting license to anyone, even people who have colorblindness (and oddly, even someone who is 100% colorblind can usually spot a person wearing fluorescent hunting orange.) So please wear that orange

When you find your deer, shoot it. Now you're finished hunting, with a few caveats:

1. If you feel like you're still from California, have your friends dress it.
2. If it turns out you shot another hunter, have your friends help you bury it.
3. If it has a rack, get a photograph of you holding the dead deer by the rack. Men hold the rack while kneeling behind the deer; women hold the rack while sitting on the ground with the deer's head in their lap. Bonus points if the deer's tongue is poking out of their mouth.
4. If it has an exceptional rack, get it mounted. We know what Photoshop is in Idaho, and if it's a trophy deer you better get it mounted. That way you'll be like a porn star - your proof will always be on the wall.
5. Decide how you are going to manage the carcass. Killing a deer and leaving the corpse is considered bad form (the Fish And Game guys have a story about finding a rotting deer carcass with a tag, but that was in Colorado, and the hunter was from Missouri. But I digress.) Killing a deer and taking it to the butcher is fine, and honestly it's the thing most of us will do, Idahoanisms be damned.
6. If you know you aren't going to eat that deer meat, take one package of steaks, one packange of hamburger, and tell the butcher to deliver the rest to the state prison.
7. Tell your bank teller that you got your deer. Don't tell your friends, because they'll know by osmosis. Don't tell the guys at NAPA, and don't tell the hippie chick at McDonald's, because they won't care. Tell your bank teller, and s/he will say, "Great! Good job!" and that will be your validation for the year.

P.P.S. For anyone who feels that hunting deer is cruel or is destroying our natural resources, please realize that for every deer killed by hunting in Idaho there will be as many as 35 killed by cars. In my state the deer are like rats - ask me for the pictures. If the Idaho Fish and Game Department would allow it, the NAIC (look it up) would pay all costs for any hunter who came to Idaho and killed a deer.

P.P.P.S. After you've killed your deer you should spend a week making zucchini bread. You should always have a years supply of deer meat and zucchini bread in your freezer (and if you don't like deer meat, the single package of deer steaks and deer hamburger will validate your Idahoanishness.) You should also have at least a half-dozen Tony's Pizzas, about 10 lbs. of butter (because in this state you buy butter whenever butter is on sale for $2.50) and a package of chicken drumsticks that have been in the freezer so long that they have made their own ice age and buried themselves in it.

P.P.P.P.S. So much to explain about Idaho. In southern Idaho, if you need to go to the city you drive to Boise. In northern Idaho, if you need to go to the city you make do with Spokane, or else you drive to Seattle.

P.P.P.P.P.S. In Idaho, if you like to buy things on Craigslist, everything that you want to buy, ever, will actually be listed in Portland, Oregon.

[Stosh]

Peotr,

I am Idaho's #1 resident. Natives don't understand what they have and don't appreciate Idaho since they've never known other states. Natives take Idaho for granted, it takes somebody who has been to hell and back to appreciate Idaho.

PS, I'm not from California.

PPS, I have four hunting rifles, and a shotgun for birds. Real hunting rifles, like 300 Win Mag, and a 45-70 in case my wife runs into a bear going to the mailbox.

PPPS, I'm closer to Salt Lake. I only travel through Boise because I need to renew my Oregon CCW.

PPPPS, by hunting, I mean Elk. I have deer that shit on my lawn and eat my shrubs, don't need to hunt them.

[Peotr]

Peotr,

I am Idaho's #1 resident. Natives don't understand what they have and don't appreciate Idaho since they've never known other states. Natives take Idaho for granted, it takes somebody who has been to hell and back to appreciate Idaho.

PS, I'm not from California.


My brain still thinks you're from California. Even if I know you're not from California. If I could explain how it feels to be certain/uncertain about something no matter how many times you're told it's wrong, I would. To this day, no matter how many times I look it up, I can't tell you if the word is spelled 'exersize' or 'exercise' - it's like that. I've had this problem all my life.

It's me, not you. But for my convenience, you're still from California.




PPS, I have four hunting rifles, and a shotgun for birds. Real hunting rifles, like 300 Win Mag, and a 45-70 in case my wife runs into a bear going to the mailbox.


I know everything there is to know about a 300 Winchester Magnum. My father owns one. Ask me about the scar in my right eyebrow.

Bears are bad, but you can often work around them. If you go back into the house and make annoying noises or play loud music the bear will eventually fuck off. Moose are the real schizophrenics - if a moose likes your house he'll stay there all day. And you can't judge a moose by looking at them, some are reasonable, some aren't, they're sort of like the Karens of the wildlife.




PPPS, I'm closer to Salt Lake. I only travel through Boise because I need to renew my Oregon CCW.


Be careful, my friend. Too many trips to Salt Lake can change a man.




PPPPS, by hunting, I mean Elk. I have deer that shit on my lawn and eat my shrubs, don't need to hunt them.

Oh, you're a connoisseur! Pardon me, I didn't understand. In Idaho we don't talk as much about elk hunting because we don't want the out-of-state hunters to find out that elk is where it's really at (most out-of-state hunters are happy to come to Idaho, shoot a deer, spend some money, flirt with women wearing logging clothes and then go home.)

Idaho can't compete with Colorado for elk hunting. Just can't do it, Colorado has a massive elk population. And hunters in Wyoming and Montana usually bag more elk than hunters in Idaho. BUT, elk in Wyoming and Montana eat too much squirreltail and ricegrass. For the best flavor you want an elk out of Washington, then Idaho, and then either Oregon or Colorado. Strange but true, there are hunters from Idaho that hunt elk on private land in northern Washington just to get an alfalfa-fed elk.


-- Peotr

P.S. I don't know how I feel about living in Idaho. I'm a Republican, but I'm an 'economy' Republican, not a conservative. I'd rather see Donald Trump in prison than president.

But politics bad, especially in these family-friendly Hoss forums.

P.P.S. I have horrible gas!