Male/Female translations for common phrases.

[Andriana Duskrose]

Female English

"Yes" = No

"No" = Yes

"Maybe" = No

"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now!

"Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later!

"We need to talk" = I need to bitch.

"Sure, go ahead" = I don't want you too.

"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you stupid moron!

"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're not going to like me for.

"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful.

"You have to learn to communicate!" = Just agree with me.

"Are you listening to me?" = Too late, you're dead!


Male English

"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry

"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy

"I'm tired " - I'm tired

"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I take you to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Nice dress" = Nice cleavage.

"You look tense, let me give you a massage" = I want to fondle you.

"What's wrong? " = What meaningless self inflicted pshychological trauma are you going through now?

"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?

"I love you" = Let's have sex right now.

"I love you too" = Okay I said it, we'd better have sex now!

"Let's talk" = I am trying to impress you by showing that I'm a deep person, and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me!

"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it so you can't have sex with other guys.

[Zappo]

Andriana i love!

[Eomer]

Guys also want back rubs, not just sex. Although preferably, the back rub would be followed my wild circus sex.

[Lilcix]

Its kinda like that mel gibson movie......but real.

[Famor]

Andriana do you want to go see a movie

[Eomer]

You look tense Famor, would you like a massage?

[Tarissa]

Nice dress Eomer!

[Eomer]

fear my man breasts

[Arcius]

Eomer, do you want to go to a movie?

[Vinilaa]

REAL Female translation

"Yes" - Maybe
"No" - Get the fuck away from me
"Maybe" - when hell freezes over
"It's your decision" - I'm sick of deciding everything
"Do what you want" - Don't even think about it
"We need to talk" - I feel like complaining about something
"Sure, go ahead" - Don't even think about it
"I'm not upset" - Get away from me I don't want to talk right now OR please hug me I've had a shitty day (contextual definition approach with caution)
"How much do you love me?" - I'm feeling insecure right now
"Is my butt fat?" - um there is no correct answer to this, proceed with caution this is a trick question.
"You have to learn to communicate" - You don't agree with me often enough
"Are you listening to me?" - Very dangerous, your act of feigning attention has been detected, compliments are iffy but gifts will still work. Your best option is to bring up something she said while you were actually paying attention and then quickly change the subject. ;)

[Sows McBuff]

changing the subject does work on the "is my (random body part) fat?" and the "which (item of clothing) should i wear?" so long as the subject you insert is not testosterone-driven, such as sports or beer. feigning deafness right before you change the subject is also highly recommended.

example:
woman: "honey, does this dress make my butt look fat?"
man: "wuh? hey, the parsons want us to come over for dinner tomorrow, i told them i'd check with you."
woman: "oh. we can't, remember? we're going to my parent's tomorrow."

in this example, the man has successfully changed the topic to future dining plans with the woman.

example 2:
woman: "honey, are my thighs getting too big?"
man: "huh? hey, i'm gonna go over to mikey's for the football game sunday."
woman: /bitchslap "you weren't even listening, were you?"

in this example, the man went too far, mentioning his plans to go to his friend's house/apartment, and therefore screwing himself over for that nite and sunday as well.

as you can see, it takes a certain amount of skill in order to escape the time-old fat-trap. but with practice, you too can become skilled at the art of interrogation evasion!

[Eomer]

Everyone is commenting on my cleavage and trying to pick me up!

[BurnemWizfyre]

Classic example of what never to say...

"Honey does this dress make my ass look fat"---woman
"No youre ass makes youre ass look fat, the dress has nothing to do with it"--Man

That is the sure fire way to be cut off for weeks.

[Aneeluv]

HOHOHOOOHOHOHOHO, god burnem, hahahahha, havn't heard that shit before.
:D
:D
:p
:D