A truly Canadian Apology to the USA

[Myztlee]

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.

I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we feel your pain.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

Finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with. Thank you.

Colin Mochrie from "This Hour Has 22 Minutes" CBC Television

[Tarissa]

Is Canada like the girlfriend that says she hates you but can't stop stalking you?

[Thuggo]

Everybody is so busy bashing America that we all seem to have forgotten how much Canada sucks. Here are a few reasons why we should bash Canada instead:

Language:
Ever been to Quebec? Everything is in French and English. Is this some attempt to be arrogant? Make up your mind, or better yet, just put a damn picture of a man or woman on the bathroom doors instead of labels in 2 different languages, It doesn’t take an idiot to figure it out. Oh yeah, "about" is an adverb, "a boot" is something you wear on your feet.

Spelling:
What the hell is up with words like colour, metre, theatre, and my favorite: Hallowe’en. (all of which are underlined red in M$ Word) Once again, we’re so arrogant that we need to randomly add an apostrophe to things.

Food:
In America we have a side dish called Kraft macaroni and cheese. Canada, however has Kraft Dinner. Does their economy suck so bad that families are forced to eat a $1.49 box of mac and cheese as an entire meal? (oh wait, nevermind the economy DOES suck that bad)

Oh yeah, and who the hell drinks milk out of bag? Not only that, but when they buy the bag, they go home and put it in a pitcher, why not just buy the damn carton?

The Economy:
Your country is called Canada, not Britian. Why do you have pictures of British monarchy on your damn currency? These people are nothing but rich, inbred, unemployed symbols of a fake government. (nevermind, I now see why you idolize them).

And what’s up with the exchange rate? $1 us is like what? 17.50 Canadian now? If you thought gas prices were bad here, try paying $1 per litre. (liter in America). With 3.785 litres to the gallon, its cheaper to fill up in Detroit.

Canadian Government:
Only in Canada can you line up and wait for an election, then suddenly find out its not an election anymore. I just hope the government health care doesn‘t end up like the US post office.

Oh yeah, Mounties on horses? Give me a break. If your horse can catch my car, I’ll turn myself in. Canada is also the only country with NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association). There is nothing more I can say about this, since I am too disgusted to even think about it anymore.

And the #1 reason why Canada sucks:
Bryan Adams! Yes that’s right, we Americans are still waiting for an apology. What were you thinking? We can also blame Canada for Celine Dion, and Alanis Morrisette too. Ok Nitewulf, in this case I DO agree we need stronger immigration laws.

It’s not just music entertainment, Canada also needs to take back Joshua Jackson, William Shatner, Rich Little, and Matt Perry. I guess we can live with Dan Aykroyd, Mike Myers and Michael J. Fox. (for now)

Cut and paste is my friend.

[Lothbah]

I'd like to thank Canada for Tom Green, Conan O'Brien, the Barenaked Ladies, Sum41, and Terrence and Phillip.

Take back Dan Aykroyd...that shithead still thinks the Blues Brothers is cool (last SNL i saw him on, that was his monologue)The semi-retarded alive Belushi is a poor substitute for the dead one too.

[Daisiee]

Your car is a piece of shit thuggo and a horse could catch it.

[BurnemWizfyre]

Wow Canada is the win, i mean you stole a sport, and then claim its something yall invented. Ohh you beat Amercia in Ice Hokey big fucking deal, how many medals in general did yall have compared to the USA...oh wait dont want to steal youre 1 fucking glimmer of triumph.

Bush is a moron, and youre leader is a cock sucker.

Beer, oh plz just stfu

Economy, dont even start our recessions are better then youre economy when it strives.

Theres a reason a ton of youre country is unpopulated, you cant find enough stupid people to fill it.

Honestly we should guard the border to canada like we do with the mexican border, but if we did that with the lack of drugs going into youre country would diminsh and half of you would wake the fuck up from that doped up dream world you live in and wonder wtf youre doing in canada and we dont want that to happen, so i guess the means justifies the end.

Oh and that white house incident, btw how many times has the US accidentally sat off/dropped bombs on Canadian sole....Take the fucking hint.

Simply put, Amercians dont give a rats ass about Canada, STFU plz.

[tweedius]

Sucks that 70+ % of your countries economy is based upon how much we decide to spend there eh? (figure may be 10% +/-).

So much hate. I thought this whole debate about Iraq or whatever was over. Must be the hate US deal...we have them here too..they are called Liberals =)

-Tweed

[BurnemWizfyre]

Dont like it, buy others people shit, you dont see us telling people from taiwan (we make up blah blah % of youre country's economy want to know why, cause taiwan makes the shit sales it to us and dont fucking act like they are better then us.

Heres an idea support youre country, buy a canadian fire arm, and shoot youreself.

[Zarxen]

The reactionary mind is an amazing thing. Bit of light humour by Myzt bit of the same by others then Hail Captain Overeaction. Burnem you really are a moron.

[Forty]

But don't you see the humor in his overreaction?????

Kinda like the humor in the original post??

[Lilcix]

yeah, the nonexistent kind

[Zarxen]

Nope he was getting more personal and being a dick.


Heres an idea support youre country, buy a canadian fire arm, and shoot youreself.

Plus he needs to learn how to spell properly:rolleyes:

[Abyori]

Pfft! too late to rip apart thuggo's post! =D ( or I'm too lazy >< )

[Dharrk]

we can import canadian beer, but you can't import in our economy :D

...and I thought Conan was from Boston

[Thuggo]

WTF don't you dare flame my masterful cut and paste skills!

I posted that because I thought it was funny, just as I assume many Canadians found Myz's post funny. I didn't take offense to Myz's post and I don't know why any would. I think those folks flipping out about Myz's post need to take some prozac.

ps. I think Conan is from Boston
pps Thuggo > (Zarxen + Daisiee)

[Zappo]

Originally posted by Thuggo
I think those folks flipping out about Myz's post need to take some prozac.


isnt helping here :(
KILL!

[Tarissa]

Originally posted by Forty
But don't you see the humor in his overreaction?????

Kinda like the humor in the original post??

lol

[Torrid]

And I am sorry that no one gives a shit about Canada

[Tilea]

The truth of it is this. Nobody without ties to a country will give a shit about it. The difference is how much pointless over-defensiveness you feel the need to have when someone proves that point. :p

[Thanapur]

I love Canada and hope to immigrate one day :D

See you there!

[Zarwin]

Great posts Myztlee and Thuggo they really made me lol. Anyway if anyone was wondering, the United States is Canada’s main import/export partner which does make Canada dependent on the United States, but on the other hand Canada is the United States main import/export partner…

[Andriana Duskrose]

I like pie.

[Eomer]

Good posts by Thuggo and Myzt (although I have seen that like a million times). Burnem on the other hand, you sir should go back to eating cock and leave the political humor to those that have the intelligence to understand or write it!

[Tarissa]

The main horrible thing about Canada is those cigarette boxes have like pictures of diseased hearts and its reminding me of how bad this habit is. That's pretty mean :|

[Rhedd]

I lub beautiful women, I dont care what country they are from =)

[Eomer]

lol yeah Tarissa, some of them are nasty. The worst are the closeups of decayed teeth. And they take up like half the pack!

My personal favorite is the one with the two little spanish kids with the caption "don't hurt us!", I dunno why I laugh my ass off every time I see it.

It's kind of funny though, when they first came out me and my friends were like "wooo, collect all 12!" and shit. It was like collecting cards from cereal boxes or something.

[Rackrunner]

Ahh some good reading for sure.

Let me see if I can shed some light.

We Americans like to drink, and drink for long periods of time. Unlike the Canadians who are out drinking get drunk as hell by 10pm cause the alcohol is so strong and have to go home early (or is that because of the economyand they have no money?). Either way, drinking watered down beer allows us to party all night, have more fun, and hence get laid more with wild crazy women. (Ever see Girls Gone Wild? Oh yeah baby…)

About that Canadian sore spot, er economy rather. I enjoy that economy. It doesn’t offend me at all to take the poor exchange rate at the border going into Canada from Detroit. I give them $40 bucks and they give me back $740,000 Canadian. Oh yeah, I love spending $10 Canadian the 2nd time I ever went to a strip club in my life to get the “works” from those FINE hunnies in Canada. Don’t they know they can come to the states and do that same sorta thing for like $100 American a throw? Well until they figure it out, I don’t mind being daddy big spender and getting all the hunnies riding my jock. Us Americans. Ahhh. Good to be American. Sucks to be all the Canadian homers at the same club holding the real only $40 Canadian they had to blow catching my left overs and rejects because I have to many girls riding my American dollars, or was that my jock again ? Either way. Good to be American.

That was a wonderful bachelor party that night. Heck it will be 4 years later and I will get to visit those type clubs for my 3rd time ever next Summer when one of my boys gets married. You know we are taking them to Canada with $50 American and going to show him the time of his life.

I for one like Canada’s economy, and the lack there of. Makes every one of my American dollars spending for entertainment go SOOOOO much farther. And about those lovely nicer trees you have. I can’t argue that at all. Yeah we tore all our shit down to build industry and house and become the melting pot of the world. Nothing more beautiful then a multicultural female that is fully developed (Can I get an AMEN!). Don’t see a lot of those folks running around up there, do ya, EH? You keep growing trees, and don’t mess up, we like good wood. But so does our American ladies and WE AMERICANS will give it to them.

Oh and about those lovely gold medals. Lemme tell ya, you whooped us! Yep fair and square. No denying the obvious. Well, umm, err, that is until the drug test come back …Ben Johnson anyone? How proud you must be!!

;o)

Rack

[Tilea]

Heh, some cute little patrotic american posts here :) Here's an international truth:

Canadians visiting European countries ALWAYS gets treated better when the locals find out that they are not, in fact, from the US.

And who was it that insulted the Canadian election system? Uhh... hi... did you sleep through the last US election or something? hehehe.

[Varran]

than, you can take my spot if you like... me, I'm gonna emigrate to somewhere hot... no more FUCKING snow pls

[Dharrk]

I think another thing the US has on Canada is the currency. I mean, carrying around $1 and $2 coins is annoying as hell.

[Lothbah]

you mean you dont use those Sascajewa(sp?) indian Dollar coins Dharrk?

[Vinilaa]

Originally posted by Lothbah
you mean you dont use those Sascajewa(sp?) indian Dollar coins Dharrk?

Sacagawea

[Eomer]

Actually, I quite like the loonie and toonie (one and two dollar coins), it's awesome. Otherwise, what else would you throw at a stripper to knock a keychain off her clit?

And all you wiseasses cutting down the Canadian economy must have been living in a box for the past 4 years, in which Canada's economy has outpaced the US. Oh, and did you miss our currency gaining 15% on yours in 6 weeks too? Maybe it hasn't occurred to you, but people also get paid more (number wise) than in the US as well, so it doesn't make much difference to us. In fact, for CD's, DVD's, and some computer games, it's actually significantly cheaper to buy them here. A CD in Canada sells for about 14-15 bucks, and that very same CD will sell for around 15 in the US too. Guess who loses? That's just my experience anyway. Actually, when I was in Miami I couldn't find a CD for much under 18-20 bucks, which kinda sucked.

[Zarxen]

Do you have A & B sound in Edmonton Eomer? I find between Future shop and the competition here with A & B sound they are allway's competing for good prices. Virgin Records though is another story they are over-priced.

[Eomer]

yeah, I think A&B possibly started in Edmonton, or at least some of their first stores were here. Their prices aren't quite as good as Futureshop, but their selection is better. DVD's at both places are excellent as well.

Most of the music chains suck ass for prices, like HMV, Sam's (before they went tits up anyway), Music World, all those types of places are ridiculous. New releases are 18 bucks, and older CD's are 25+. Bestbuy (who bought Future Shop, btw) just recently opened up two stores here. I went to see how their prices and selection were, and it's safe to say that I will probably never go back, except for maybe their Xbox selection. Their CD's sucked, and were stupidly expensive. And yet people were buying them by the armload on opening day. I was baffled.

Amazon is actually pretty good, as they have a massive selection. I put in Red Hot Chili Peppers to see what would turn up. I hadn't heard of half the albums. Same with Monster Magnet.

[Qaediin]

20 bucks for a CD?? uhh they charge less in the midwest than in Canada Eomer. Miami or anywhere in travel locations just about everything is dramatically higher><.

[Thuggo]

Can we get more people to flame Canada here. I want Horseman to come back and tell us how truly superior Quebec is.

[BurnemWizfyre]

Eomer, who was trying to be funny?

[Andriana Duskrose]

Gads, a bunch of sandy vaginas in here. I like both Canada and the US, for different reasons. Let us all, Canadian and American alike, hold hands and sing together.

But fuck Quebec, they suck. ;)

[Drakky]

my dick is also 12" beat that shit

[Forty]

pfft...you wish.

I know for a FACT Canada use the metric system so that's 12 mm.

12'' wtf you think you from Texas or something?

[Eomer]

That's the nice thing about metric. Saying yer cock is 15cm sounds so much bigger than 6 inches!

[Torrid]

Keep the Canadian hypocracy comming, I love that kind of humor

[Vinilaa]

Originally posted by Torrid
hypocracy

I'm not familiar with this word...

did you mean hypocrisy? :eek:

[Lothbah]

thats two spelling corrections in one thread Vinilaa @@

[Vinilaa]

I know, sometimes I just can't help myself... :|

[Lexoon]

lol

[Tarissa]

Originally posted by Drakky
my dick is also 12" beat that shit

13

QED

[Andriana Duskrose]

Pfffffft! Everyone knows, unless it's 14 inches, no woman will give you the time of day. Thanks for coming out Drakky and Tarissa, you're prize is at the door

[Eomer]

your!

[Zarxen]

You're = contaction of "you are"

You're out of here

Your = The possessive form of "you"

The lightswitch is on your right sir!

[Andriana Duskrose]

Hmmmm, I guess you beat Vinilaa to my intentional mistake Eomer. :eek:

[Vinilaa]

lol that mistake is made so many times I hardly comment on it anymore. :eek:

[Eomer]

alas, you're clever bait defeated me :/

[Tarissa]

their we go, finally someone who knows when too start spelling you're words right.

[Andriana Duskrose]

"Knows" is wrong, it should be "nos".

[Tarissa]

dam no it all

[Dharrk]

ne1 can spell

[Lothbah]

i cunt spell dharrk

[Kanf]

Ummm...What's Cananda?