Back again (again) .. (no really, back *again* ... I mean, *back* .. again)

I have just finished 4 months in either the hospital or in an assisted living facility.

1. I have had someone feed me. It wasn't on my bucket list, but it happened (many times.) I'm sure having someone feed me was expensive and if I had a choice I would have used the money on drugs, computer parts or a trip to Disneyland. I was going to say that I would have liked to use the money on whores and beer, but I didn't want Aind pestering me.

* Note: I have so far avoided having anyone wipe my ass.

2. I have poured at least 50 cans of soda onto my face, my chest and into my bed. I have little cuts on my nose from the tabs on the cans. In MS terms this is known as spasticity, a loss of motor control that, for me, seems to be worst when I am trying to move my hand to my mouth. Especially if I am holding a fork full of food, or a cup of hot coffee, or if I am trying to discretely pick my nose.

3. I had a nurse accidentally switch my MS steroids for an inhuman dosage of anticonvulsants (about twice the maximum recommended human dose.) There are people who told me I should sue the hospital, but it was an honest mistake, and I had a great time. I mean, I had a fucking great time, it felt like my whole body was having an orgasm. It's hard to claim pain and suffering when you're really enjoying yourself, I was so sensitive they had to turn my fan off. I begged her to do it again.

4. For the 4th of July my cousin brought me a sparkler, and when no one was around we lit it (in my hospital room.) And then ... well .. I spent the next week being treated like I was a child. Ok, so now I know that there is pure oxygen in use in these rooms, I didn't know that before, and all of the signs that said "NO SMOKING FIRE HAZARD PURE OXYGEN" were behind me, not in front of me, and they can't sue me because they gave me an elephantine dose of anticonvulsants long before I lit one innocent sparkler, so they owed me one.

I was so bored I started reading the newspaper.... I was so bored I started reading Louis L'Amour. I was so bored I started watching reality television. I was so drugged I stopped masturbating.


But I'm home now. Again. Someone tell Widespread I am looking for him. =|


-- Peotr

P.S. Thursday was "Liver and Onions" day. I had to tell the nurse, "I don't give a fuck what the alternative is, I'll have the alternative, I'd rather have a plate full of dogshit."

P.P.S. Best news that I got since coming home: Does anyone remember me bitching about the crazy woman who lived above me (when I lived in Moscow?) Well, since I've been in Orofino she's received seven restraining orders. Four of these restraining orders are from local businesses, and she's been arrested twice because she insists that a restraining order cannot keep her from walking on a public sidewalk.

One of the restraining orders is from ... wait for it ... I am not making this up ... THE LOCAL HOSPITAL!

How awesome is that?! My insane neighbor who used to come bug me while I was trying to raid got a restraining order FROM THE HOSPITAL! The only hospital in town, to boot.

P.P.P.S. Obligatory wildlife shot from Orofino - I took this from the porch when I came home, he was standing about five feet away from me.

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Cute, isn't he? I'm an asshole, but I'm a total sucker for anything cute.

Sorry you had another stint in the hospital Peotr, but glad you are home now!

Restraining order from a hospital?!? I've never even heard of that. She must be a special kind of crazy!

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Originally Posted by Peotr

P.P.S. Best news that I got since coming home: Does anyone remember me bitching about the crazy woman who lived above me (when I lived in Moscow?) Well, since I've been in Orofino she's received seven restraining orders. Four of these restraining orders are from local businesses, and she's been arrested twice because she insists that a restraining order cannot keep her from walking on a public sidewalk.

One of the restraining orders is from ... wait for it ... I am not making this up ... THE LOCAL HOSPITAL!

How awesome is that?! My insane neighbor who used to come bug me while I was trying to raid got a restraining order FROM THE HOSPITAL! The only hospital in town, to boot.

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At least people will have to believe you now when you tell them she was psychotic.

Are you back in game, Peotr? I heard you were, but didn't believe it. So glad you are feeling better now. And does anyone know where I can score an OD of anticonvulsant medication?

LOL I very much remember you bitching about the crazy neighbor. Being restrained from a hospital has to be unprecedented.

I'm glad your doing ok Pootr, and if you're gaming again well that would rock. We've missed ya.

Good to hear from you Peotr. Your posts on the forums are always great. We need to get someone to pay you to just blog about your days.

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Originally Posted by Valdis

Good to hear from you Peotr. Your posts on the forums are always great. We need to get someone to pay you to just blog about your days.

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^^^What Valdis said. I'd pay to read your writing! For real!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Peotr

I have just finished 4 months in either the hospital or in an assisted living facility.

1. I have had someone feed me. It wasn't on my bucket list, but it happened (many times.) I'm sure having someone feed me was expensive and if I had a choice I would have used the money on drugs, computer parts or a trip to Disneyland. I was going to say that I would have liked to use the money on whores and beer, but I didn't want Aind pestering me.

P.S. Thursday was "Liver and Onions" day. I had to tell the nurse, "I don't give a fuck what the alternative is, I'll have the alternative, I'd rather have a plate full of dogshit."

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At least you had real, actual food. To quote my doctor, I had a "honking case of pancreatitis" that put me in the hospital for a week in February. For the few of you without medical degrees, the "cure" for pancreatitis is to rest your pancreas. Since the pancreas pretty much only does stuff when you eat, that means the cure is no eating or drinking anything, not even water.

P.S. What would you have done if the plate of dogshit was from a dog fed liver and onions?