A truly Canadian Apology to the USA

[Myztlee]

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.

I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we feel your pain.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

Finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with. Thank you.

Colin Mochrie from "This Hour Has 22 Minutes" CBC Television

[Tarissa]

Is Canada like the girlfriend that says she hates you but can't stop stalking you?

[Thuggo]

Everybody is so busy bashing America that we all seem to have forgotten how much Canada sucks. Here are a few reasons why we should bash Canada instead:

Language:
Ever been to Quebec? Everything is in French and English. Is this some attempt to be arrogant? Make up your mind, or better yet, just put a damn picture of a man or woman on the bathroom doors instead of labels in 2 different languages, It doesn’t take an idiot to figure it out. Oh yeah, "about" is an adverb, "a boot" is something you wear on your feet.

Spelling:
What the hell is up with words like colour, metre, theatre, and my favorite: Hallowe’en. (all of which are underlined red in M$ Word) Once again, we’re so arrogant that we need to randomly add an apostrophe to things.

Food:
In America we have a side dish called Kraft macaroni and cheese. Canada, however has Kraft Dinner. Does their economy suck so bad that families are forced to eat a $1.49 box of mac and cheese as an entire meal? (oh wait, nevermind the economy DOES suck that bad)

Oh yeah, and who the hell drinks milk out of bag? Not only that, but when they buy the bag, they go home and put it in a pitcher, why not just buy the damn carton?

The Economy:
Your country is called Canada, not Britian. Why do you have pictures of British monarchy on your damn currency? These people are nothing but rich, inbred, unemployed symbols of a fake government. (nevermind, I now see why you idolize them).

And what’s up with the exchange rate? $1 us is like what? 17.50 Canadian now? If you thought gas prices were bad here, try paying $1 per litre. (liter in America). With 3.785 litres to the gallon, its cheaper to fill up in Detroit.

Canadian Government:
Only in Canada can you line up and wait for an election, then suddenly find out its not an election anymore. I just hope the government health care doesn‘t end up like the US post office.

Oh yeah, Mounties on horses? Give me a break. If your horse can catch my car, I’ll turn myself in. Canada is also the only country with NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association). There is nothing more I can say about this, since I am too disgusted to even think about it anymore.

And the #1 reason why Canada sucks:
Bryan Adams! Yes that’s right, we Americans are still waiting for an apology. What were you thinking? We can also blame Canada for Celine Dion, and Alanis Morrisette too. Ok Nitewulf, in this case I DO agree we need stronger immigration laws.

It’s not just music entertainment, Canada also needs to take back Joshua Jackson, William Shatner, Rich Little, and Matt Perry. I guess we can live with Dan Aykroyd, Mike Myers and Michael J. Fox. (for now)

Cut and paste is my friend.

[Lothbah]

I'd like to thank Canada for Tom Green, Conan O'Brien, the Barenaked Ladies, Sum41, and Terrence and Phillip.

Take back Dan Aykroyd...that shithead still thinks the Blues Brothers is cool (last SNL i saw him on, that was his monologue)The semi-retarded alive Belushi is a poor substitute for the dead one too.

[Daisiee]

Your car is a piece of shit thuggo and a horse could catch it.

[BurnemWizfyre]

Wow Canada is the win, i mean you stole a sport, and then claim its something yall invented. Ohh you beat Amercia in Ice Hokey big fucking deal, how many medals in general did yall have compared to the USA...oh wait dont want to steal youre 1 fucking glimmer of triumph.

Bush is a moron, and youre leader is a cock sucker.

Beer, oh plz just stfu

Economy, dont even start our recessions are better then youre economy when it strives.

Theres a reason a ton of youre country is unpopulated, you cant find enough stupid people to fill it.

Honestly we should guard the border to canada like we do with the mexican border, but if we did that with the lack of drugs going into youre country would diminsh and half of you would wake the fuck up from that doped up dream world you live in and wonder wtf youre doing in canada and we dont want that to happen, so i guess the means justifies the end.

Oh and that white house incident, btw how many times has the US accidentally sat off/dropped bombs on Canadian sole....Take the fucking hint.

Simply put, Amercians dont give a rats ass about Canada, STFU plz.

[tweedius]

Sucks that 70+ % of your countries economy is based upon how much we decide to spend there eh? (figure may be 10% +/-).

So much hate. I thought this whole debate about Iraq or whatever was over. Must be the hate US deal...we have them here too..they are called Liberals =)

-Tweed

[BurnemWizfyre]

Dont like it, buy others people shit, you dont see us telling people from taiwan (we make up blah blah % of youre country's economy want to know why, cause taiwan makes the shit sales it to us and dont fucking act like they are better then us.

Heres an idea support youre country, buy a canadian fire arm, and shoot youreself.

[Zarxen]

The reactionary mind is an amazing thing. Bit of light humour by Myzt bit of the same by others then Hail Captain Overeaction. Burnem you really are a moron.

[Forty]

But don't you see the humor in his overreaction?????

Kinda like the humor in the original post??

[Lilcix]

yeah, the nonexistent kind

[Zarxen]

Nope he was getting more personal and being a dick.

Heres an idea support youre country, buy a canadian fire arm, and shoot youreself.

Plus he needs to learn how to spell properly

[Abyori]

Pfft! too late to rip apart thuggo's post! =D ( or I'm too lazy >< )

[Dharrk]

we can import canadian beer, but you can't import in our economy

...and I thought Conan was from Boston

[Thuggo]

WTF don't you dare flame my masterful cut and paste skills!

I posted that because I thought it was funny, just as I assume many Canadians found Myz's post funny. I didn't take offense to Myz's post and I don't know why any would. I think those folks flipping out about Myz's post need to take some prozac.

ps. I think Conan is from Boston
pps Thuggo > (Zarxen + Daisiee)

[Zappo]

Originally posted by Thuggo
I think those folks flipping out about Myz's post need to take some prozac.

isnt helping here
KILL!

[Tarissa]

Originally posted by Forty
But don't you see the humor in his overreaction?????

Kinda like the humor in the original post??

lol

[Torrid]

And I am sorry that no one gives a shit about Canada

[Tilea]

The truth of it is this. Nobody without ties to a country will give a shit about it. The difference is how much pointless over-defensiveness you feel the need to have when someone proves that point.

[Thanapur]

I love Canada and hope to immigrate one day

See you there!