Thank you andaas!

[Peotr]

For resetting my password!!


[/masturbate]


-- Peotr


P.S. Apparently the Hoss boards do not have the advanced emojis.

[Lonskils]

woo

[Andaas]

Maybe I should update the forums. The advanced emoji system captures an image directly from your webcam right?

[Zeyla]

Hey Peotr! How are things old friend?

[Peotr]

Maybe I should update the forums. The advanced emoji system captures an image directly from your webcam right?

HaaaaHAHAHAHA! Won't happen, no way, sir - you just struck on one of my mild paranoias. There are no webcams within 20 miles of me. You saw the story about Mark Zuckerberg having tape over his laptop camera? I am so paranoid about that shit, I have black electricians tape ALL AROUND the bezel of my monitor, and it doesn't even HAVE a webcam.

-- Peotr (Normal Guy, Unseen)

P.S. I even have black tape around the bezel of my Mom's monitor, and her computer doesn't have a webcam either!

P.P.S. Not that I ever masturbate at my Mom's computer.

P.P.P.S. Ever. In fact, it is such a piece of shit, I don't even use it, masturbating or not.

P.P.P.P.S. Unless I want to print something, because I'm out of ink, and the cartridges for my HP 9800 are almost $100 at Walmart, for fucks sakes. Yes, the printer is 11 years old, but it works great and it prints double-sided 11x17s. But I digress.

P.P.P.P.P.S. I thought about putting black tape on my cellphone, but I do so much sexting with the kids at the local high school that it became really inconvenient.

[Peotr]

Huzzah, Zeyla! Things are good / bad / ok / the same. Taking care of your parents can be an adventure, a drama, a comedy and a tragedy all at the same time. It's sort of like being on the Titanic, and part of you is screaming, "Help me get my parents on the life boat, damn you man! And Dad, don't forget your meds. You take the blue pill at six o'clock, and you need to eat something with that, does anyone on this life boat have some fruit, or a few crackers? Nothing too sugary, because he's diabetic...." But another part of you is thinking, "If I can get them on the life boat but I stay on the ship, I can have a couple of hours to myself." Taking care of your parents can really hone your ability to ignore your own future, because any recognizance of the future is taboo in a household with someone who is 90+ years old.

-- Peotr (One Day At A Time)

P.S. I went to a friend's wedding last month, that was kind of cool! And a woman hit on me, which was fun, even though she was hideously my age, and I also got to stay in the shittiest motel that Trivago could find in the region (they had old school 80's pay-per-view porno on a TUBE TELEVISION), so all in all is was a night worth masturbating over.

P.P.S. My friend lives on a 'ranch' (of sorts) and the wedding was there, and at one point I needed to piss really bad (champagne) so I decided to walk over to the ranch house and use that bathroom, which I found just fine. The bathroom was wonderfully modern, but there was a 3' square window right above the tank of the toilet, and that window was cranked open, no screen, no vanity glass, and I could hear people talking outside, although I couldn't see anyone. But the idea of someone walking past the window and seeing me peeing had me so nervous I had a hard time ... getting started, and I was wondering why there wasn't anyone walking outside, 'cause it seemed like a nice field, but just as I was about to go with the flow a fucking HORSE pushed his entire head into the window so far that he pushed me back from the toilet, and I eventually had to abandon the ranch house and take my bladder to the main house and wait in line.

P.P.P.S. And at 1AM I got to hear the police respond to a dispute at a chinese restaurant near my motel room, that was cool.

[Zeyla]

Glad to hear you are hanging in there, and still having some interesting adventures...!

I know about taking care of family, my wife and I are taking care of her Mom and Grandmother now, but not living with them thankfully! Taking care of family is...interesting.

Try not to piss on any horse faces, lol

-Zey

[Stosh]

Hey Peotr,

Where ya been, I've been stalking you. I even moved to Idaho last December to keep an eye on you. Wassup.

[Peotr]

I even moved to Idaho last December to keep an eye on you.

Lies. I live in Idaho, and I would know if anyone moved here. We keep lists.

Wassup.

Naddup. I'm sort of off-the-grid here, my life moves at a very different pace. Sadly, I have come to accept it. I just finished putting a pot roast into a crock pot, and in a few minutes I'm going to walk up to the local grocery store to buy some garlic cloves. And my life is so shit, I'm kind of looking forward to that.

-- Peotr (Master Of None)

P.S. When I say my life is shit, I don't mean it's shit. What I truly mean is that I have no life. Most normal people have a job and a car, debt from shit they bought at Walmart and things they want to be doing. I don't. Most normal people would look at someone who lives with their parents, showers every fourth day, drinks nothing but Mountain Dew, is a member of two different D&D campaigns and plays WoW for 80 hours a week and they would say that person has no life. But me, I have transcended that person.

I have gone deep. I am balls out on this "I have no life" thing. I am all-fucking-in. I have entered the black hole and shot through to the other side, and I now float in a malignant but languishing space and time where it seems reasonable to lose an entire day shopping for fucking groceries. I am surrounded by evil, there are armies of Readers Digest and AARP magazines lurking on darkened end tables, whispering, "Stop. Please stop. Touch me. Shhhh shh shh shhhhh we have articles on Mary Tyler Moore and group dental insurance." I fight this dramatic battle to carve paths through a jungle filled with bagatelles, old pianos and all forms of memento fuckery so that my Dad can move a four-wheeled walker from the television to the bathroom. You see, I too live with my parents, but I shower every day. And I wash my hands at least 30 times a day and completely disinfect the bathroom 3 times a day (I'm serious, Google "Clostridium Difficile"). I make tea regularly for my Mom, and I can't play WoW because it's just too fucking demanding. My newest D&D books are 3rd edition....

I know how to make four different kinds of oatmeal.

P.P.S. But hey, how are you doing? Life is good, otherwise! I saw Suicide Squad last night (I had to explain the title of the movie to my mom), and I ate two whole buckets of popcorn. Stupid movie, but the popcorn was good, even though the butter dispenser was broken. I had to jam that shit full of that White Cheddar powder.

P.P.P.S. Both my mom and my dog tell me how to drive.

[Stosh]

Lies. I live in Idaho, and I would know if anyone moved here. We keep lists.

I'm Idaho's #1 resident. It's true. You old timers take Idaho for granted, but every morning I wake up and smell the freedom.

I don't have kids, so I don't have to worry about it, but Idaho is like 47th out of 50 in education. Pretty much ensures that your list is wrong.

But life in Idaho is grand. My commute to work is 5 minutes, and traffic consists of three cars at a stop light. Shopping is different, since there is only one of every store, and not 50 like in San Diego. But on the bright side, there's no lines at the local CostCo and I buy at least a gun a month with the thousands of dollars I no longer have to pay to live in California because everything here is cheap. I go fishing a lot, and getting ready to go elk and duck hunting for the first time.

[Peotr]

... but Idaho is like 47th out of 50 in education. Pretty much ensures that your list is wrong.

Ah. You live in *southern* Idaho.

But on the bright side, there's no lines at the local CostCo and I buy at least a gun a month with the thousands of dollars I no longer have to pay to live in California because everything here is cheap.

Uhhh, we don't talk about that, especially not on public bulletin boards. Keep it on the down-low, k? We have enough people from California who are selling out and retiring here, where they can buy their Cadillac Escalades and build particle board McMansions and live the dream.

I go fishing a lot, and getting ready to go elk and duck hunting for the first time.

I just saw a beautiful mountainside lodge on 10 acres with a private drive and an uninterrupted view of the Clearwater (and two of its tributaries) go for $280k. It was nice, but it also had one of those roads that perk your hemorrhoids in the wintertime.

As far as hunting goes, I took a picture for you this afternoon:



That's from our park, as I'm walking my dog. Those aren't domestic ducks with clipped wings, they're wild fuckers, and that's only a few of them, sometimes our park is like duck LAX.

We don't hunt in my town. Especially not elk, those fuckers are gangsta, if you go into their hood and flash a bunch of Cabelas shit they'll come into town and jihad all over your fucking Escalade (I had a jihad deer total my car less than two months ago. Fucker set off the air bags. I've seen new Prius's with 1/2" steel grille guards.) But as far as hunting, it's hard to get excited about shooting something when you can drive over it with your car. Truth - if you hit a deer in my county, the sheriff or state patrol will give you first dibs on the carcass, and if the deer is still alive they'll even shoot it for you. Deer, turkeys, ducks, geese, pheasant, quail ... raccoons. Eagles. They all wander through my town, I see most of them every day. It's funny to go to the Lewis & Clark canoe camp (historic site) and see people from Minnesota standing on the banks of the Clearwater, pointing at a 30" steelhead and losing their shit.

We do like to gather up our AR-15s and go to Oregon to shoot prairie dogs, though. More truth, and I am not joking. I have witnessed this - men from my town who step from their house carrying their newest Bushmaster SOCOM Modular III with $250 worth of hand loads, wave to the deer on the lawn (a lot of people talk to the deer in my town), climb into their truck and drive three hours to shoot gophers in the Oregon desert.

-- Peotr

P.S. There are no gophers to drive over in my town.

P.P.S. Let me know if you like blackberries, they're in season, too, we have those coming out our ass right now. They are wild blackberries, though, so most of them are smaller than a peanut M&M.

P.P.P.S. Huckleberries are in season, too. Those are nice. But finding a wild huckleberry patch is near impossible, and it's no good asking the people who pick them religiously where you could go to find some, you'd have better luck asking them if you could fuck their daughter.

[Lonskils]

What, no Muscadine?