Important news only from CNN

[Peotr]

Important information from CNN.

-- Peotr (Normal Guy)

P.S. I haven't read the entire article, but I'm certain that it says that I am quite healthy.

P.P.S. I don't break wind. My wind breaks. Things. Real things.

P.P.P.S. (sung to the tune of Paul McCartney's 'My Love') "Aaaand when I eat Chineeese ... I feel my intestines squeeeze .. with my gas .. It's bustin' freeeee. From meeeee. Whooa whoa my gaaaas ... Flowing out of my aaaaass .. Only my gas .. makes meee .. happyyyyy ....."

P.P.P.P.S. It is, perhaps, the only true statement of my own manliness. "All men love their own farts."

[Peotr]

My niece is staying with us until her fall semester starts. Last night she wanted to make us dinner, so she drove 60 miles to an organic food co-op to buy $60.00 worth of ingredients, which she used to make ... tacos. Tacos, the most humble blue collar food in the American hemisphere.

The tacos were good, but the ingredients were a reflection of her generation (along with using 120 miles worth of gasoline in a Toyota Highlander to buy one meal's worth of ingredients, don't let them pull any of their 'enlightened generation' bullshit on you, they're just as stupid as every generation that went before.) She used things that were specific beyond their natural origin, things like brown rice tortillas (gluten intolerant), zero lactose cheddar cheese (lactose intolerant), organic lettuce, free-range adult beef (because you shouldn't eat a cow until it's old enough to fall in love, have sex, and poop-up the verdurous countryside), organic salsa, and something called 'probiotic cashew milk sour cream.'

Hrmf. I like sour cream. On my tacoes I like lots of sour cream. I searched the fridge for some old-fashioned industrial sour cream, but didn't find any. But the tacos were still good.

And now, at 4:00AM, my bowels are EXPLOSIVE! It's incredible, if farts were an Olympic event then last night I turned pro. We're talking gold medal flatuosity, my friends, pro-level petarades. Maybe. But maybe not, because I'm sure that if farts were an Olympic event, 'probiotic cashew milk sour cream' would be a banned substance. HOLY SMOKES, I can't imagine where this volume of fart is coming from, my gut bacteria is effluviating overtime and the NO SMOKING sign in my bedroom is lit. I'm not sure a probe bound for Venus could survive the environment that is building in my room. I'd go sleep on the back porch if I wasn't afraid I'd keep the neighbors up.

Good Times.

-- (Peotr), The Normal Guy

P.S. (Pitching an idea to Nike) "See, I call these shoes 'Air Peotrs', and they have a little fart whistle in the heel so they make a prooting sound when you walk. Kids would love them."

P.P.S. It's really quite amazing. I sort of hate to admit this, but while lying alone in my room, in the dark, I actually giggled out loud.

P.P.P.S. Maybe you don't think it's funny. Maybe I've lost your respect (if a person like me is allowed to have such a thing.) It doesn't matter, I have to live my own life.

P.P.P.P.S. Somebody talk to me, with the Druzzil Ro boards dead and the Hoss boards so quiet I feel I have nowhere to be a dumbshit.

[Peotr]

Excellento!

HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Aaaaaaah HA HA HAHAHA HAHAAAAAHAA!! A HA HAHAHA HAHAAAAHAHAAAAAHAA!!11!!!

*Heh*

-- Peotr (That's Some Funny Shit (Normal Guy))

P.S. *snicker*

[Valdis]

lol your stories Peotr are always magnificent.

[Wresh]

Peotr. A name I haven't seen in a LONG time. I hope you're doing well!!

I hope all of Hoss is doing well no matter where you are and what you are doing.